A couple favourites:
“I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.” Marlon Brando
“I can’t take it anymore!” -Rodney Dangerfield
If I could choose what mine would be:
“Knock, knock…”
“Who’s there?”
dead
I don’t know why, but I find this incredibly humourous.
Related, I don’t want to be buried in a graveyard but if I did I would want “I thought it would be funny” on my gravestone.
I know I did.